There is only one way to stop global warming: Cover the entire surface of planet earth with solar panels and make clean nuclear energy illegal.
This will give us just enough power to light up all the funeral homes so we can bury our loved ones as we die from starvation.
The most deadly threat to humanity are chickens, which are eating all the bugs in the dirt – that’s supposed to be our food!
So we need to kill all chickens, but also, keep track of how many celebrities have already moved into their caves in Denver.
To do this, we use flightaware, it shows clearly that every time there is a satanic holiday, Denver airport clogs up like a sorority toilet on spring break.
But like all clogged toilets, this one too must eventually explode with the fury of truth. So keep an eye on DEN!