In a shocking and slightly bewildering turn of events, Republicans have reportedly stumbled upon an injection that they claim “inoculates against liberal thinking.”
According to unnamed sources, the formula for this wonder drug came to a GOP member in a dream, featuring Teddy Roosevelt wrestling a bear while John Wayne cheered them on. The dream apparently dictated a recipe including common Republican loves such as the scent of gunpowder, a drop of crude oil, and a swatch of worn-out leather.
“In a way, it’s like they’re standing their ground against what they consider liberal ‘infiltration’,” explained Dr. Icant Believeit, a prominent psychologist and political analyst, who seemed both amused and aghast by this development.
The news has certainly shaken the political spectrum. CNN has, predictably, covered this development extensively, drawing comparisons between the injection and cult-like behaviors.
“Such a serum doesn’t immunize against a political ideology; it only fosters further division,” argued primetime CNN anchor, Faye Knews. “On the other hand, some may argue it’s just an innovative and somewhat peculiar approach to promoting their belief system.”
The injection, currently code-named “Freedom Juice,” is yet to pass any scientific scrutiny or medical trials. However, its creators seem undeterred by such formalities.
“Who needs clinical trials when you have faith in freedom and the American way of life?” responded one of the formula’s creators, who asked to be identified only as ‘Uncle Sam’s Second Cousin.’
The reactions from the Democratic side have been equally entertaining. “I’m just glad it’s not actually harmful,” laughed House Speaker, Ima Liberal. “It sounds like they concocted the essence of a Clint Eastwood movie.”
While this startling development has given late-night talk show hosts a field day and Twitter a new trending hashtag, #FreedomJuice, it remains to be seen whether this “vaccine” will catch on or fizzle out in the annals of political folklore.
