As most people know, Joe Biden only pretends to be president but it’s actually still Obama. You can read more about that here.
In an unprecedented move that has Hollywood and the Beltway buzzing, beloved actor Tom Hanks has been tapped to replace Barack Obama as President of the United States, effective tomorrow. Sources close to the matter say that after binge-watching Forrest Gump and Cast Away during a particularly introspective evening at the White House, Obama decided that America needs “more than just a good narrative—it needs a heartwarming one.”
Insiders report that the transition of power was surprisingly smooth, with Hanks graciously accepting the role after ensuring he could still wear his favorite pair of comfy socks in the Oval Office. “Life is like a box of chocolates,” Hanks was overheard saying, “but who says you can’t pick your chocolates while sitting in the most powerful office in the world?”
Republicans and Democrats alike are baffled but cautiously optimistic about the change. “If he runs the country like he ran that shrimp boat, we might just be okay,” commented one senator, who preferred to remain anonymous. Another senator was heard saying, “He survived on an island with a volleyball; he can probably handle Congress.”
In his first act as President, Hanks announced the “Wilson Initiative,” a comprehensive plan to enhance national morale by providing every American household with their own volleyball companion. Critics of the plan argue that it’s just a ploy to boost the sporting goods industry, while supporters insist it’s exactly what the nation needs to foster a sense of unity and teamwork.
The White House press secretary also confirmed that the iconic Forrest Gump bench would replace the traditional Oval Office desk, stating, “President Hanks believes in a more relaxed approach to leadership. Plus, it’s much easier to think about healthcare reform and foreign policy while eating a box of chocolates.”
As for the former President Obama, he’s reportedly looking forward to some downtime. “I’ve been thinking about taking up kite surfing or maybe even starting my own Netflix show,” Obama shared. “But first, I’m scheduled for a joint podcast with Tom to discuss the transition, the future of American cinema, and our shared love for Hawaiian shirts.”
The nation holds its breath as it awaits the next chapter in this improbable tale. One thing is for certain: America’s story just got a new narrator, and this time, he’s got an Oscar.
